"Picture: Positivity" Exhibit: Ray Otani

Written by Gina Marioni

(Picture: Positivity, an exhibition of photographs, biographies and artist statements can be seen at the Santa Clara County Government Center, 70 W. Hedding, San Jose, now until June 20. The photographs are taken by Santa Clara University students. Here is background information about one of the subjects, and a statement from the student about their photograph on exhibit.)

Ray Otani
48
San Jose/ San Jose 

The youngest of five siblings, Ray Otani grew up in what he describes as “a family of jocks.” His father even named him after a famous Chicago White Sox player and he was immediately channeled into sports.

Ray says he didn’t hit his stride as a young man until he dropped all athletics and began taking violin lessons in the 4th grade. Music clicked for him. It would come to be a hugely influential factor in shaping his adult life.

Fortunate to have supportive parents and teachers, Ray says, he excelled first in orchestra, then band, jazz band, and then marching band, where he also performed in the local color guard.

By the time he completed high school he was well versed in transcribing music, and at age 19, Ray dropped everything to audition for a prestigious winter guard in Madison, Wis. He was accepted.

In the winter guard, which performs indoors to recorded music, Ray was delighted to find himself a part of an accepting community with openly gay members.

At the advice of a fellow music program friend in 1986, he got an HIV test and it came back positive.  When he moved back to California at the program’s finish a year later, his health began to show signs of weakening.  By 1995, Ray was diagnosed with AIDS.

At first, Ray struggled not only with an insensitive doctor who knew little about the disease, but also over-medication. His practitioner prescribed 25 pills each day of the antiretroviral AZT, which resulted in painful side effects, including severe stomach pain and nausea. Later, Ray found out that the recommended dosage for AZT was 15 pills a day, meaning he had been taking nearly a double dose.

The doctor also told him that HIV spread "through body fluids" and Ray, fearful that he would infect his dance partners, almost quit the winter guard even though it was his passion.

The next few years were a dark time, Ray says, as he struggled to make sense of why all this had happened to him.

But by 1998, he decided to take his life back into his own hands and resumed pursuing his bachelor’s degree in music. He earned his degree in 1989, then returned to achieve a teaching credential in 1998. He is now working towards earning a second teaching credential so that he can teach kindergarten as a backup to music.

Ray continues to keep performance an important part of his life with the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus, which he joined in 2008. Except for a few sabbaticals for school, he says, “I have been singing ever since and loving it!”

Photographer’s Statement

Gina Marioni

I shot this photograph of Ray Otani at the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus practice. Music is and always has been Ray’s passion, so it only seemed fitting to represent him with sheet music in hand, surrounded by others who share this interest.

In my initial conversation with Ray, we both acknowledged that it would be impossible to capture in a single photograph the entirety of what it means to be HIV positive and living with AIDS. Instead, I aimed to represent Ray to the best of my ability in a way that would be true to his identity as a whole. In this way the photograph illustrates that AIDS is not the end-all, defining factor for the people who live with it. Yes, contracting AIDS is a major life event, but it does not overshadow every other aspect of one’s being.

In this photo Ray is in the middle of the auditorium surrounded by other choir members, all singing together. He is a part of a music-enthusiast community, the San Francisco community, the gay community, and he also has AIDS. Looking at this photo, you first see a man reading sheet music and singing in a large group, not a man singled out for having AIDS.