I have been doing a lot of reading since I officially hit my second trimester. It seems like every pregnancy blog is full of "I feel so amazing," "I'm glowing" and "I have never felt more beautiful." Uh, really? I think I must be experiencing a totally different pregnancy. I don't want to sound ungrateful for my little bump, but I have to disagree with these glowing, beautiful moms. Nothing is glowing over here, and amazing is not the word I'd use to describe being bloated, emotional and exhausted 24 hours a day. I thought, in the spirit of being the anti-mom, that I'd make a list of all the things I am missing at this moment.
Things I miss about my non-pregnant life:
1. BEER. Oh, sweet lord, I miss beer. Beer with friends, beer at baseball games, beer at summer picnics—I just miss beer in all its beautiful and glorious forms.
2. Rare steak. I have never been a "well done" kind of girl. I wish life had a dislike button for overcooked foods. Yuck. I'd rather skip steak entirely than eat a darn hockey puck.
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3. Runny eggs! Scrambled eggs make me think of being a child, not creating one. Also, I can't eat creamy salad dressing due to it containing raw egg. No Caesar salad is complete without Caesar dressing. Add another food to the "once this kid comes out" list.
4. Good skin. I have never had terrible acne. Even as a teenager, I suffered only occasional breakouts. I don't know what this baby is up to in there, but he/she sure has ruined my complexion!
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5. Not crying on a daily basis. I seriously cried at the Carl's Jr. commercial where the little robot can't eat the sandwich. I wish I were joking.
6. Not peeing every hour. I don't think I need to elaborate on this. Being chained to a toilet sucks. I miss my freedom!
7. Dieting. Yes, I said dieting. I lost 35 pounds a few months before I got pregnant, so every pound I have put back on is really upsetting. I know that I have to put my blinders on and eat for my baby's health, but I really do miss my old clothes. I think I'll hide them until they fit again (fingers crossed).
So, while I am truly and completely overjoyed to meet my little one, I am also eager to get back to a life that somewhat resembles normal. I love sharing my body with my baby, but by the time she/he comes out, I'm pretty sure I'll be ready to go back to single occupancy. Please don't misunderstand me, I am absolutely not going to get rip-roaring drunk two days after I leave the hospital. I have zero plans to be a neglectful parent. However, in a year or two, when you see me at the playground drinking a cold beer and munching on a steak sandwich while I rock the little one to sleep, don't interrupt me, I'm in the zone.
The opinions expressed here are the blogger's and not necessarily those of the local editor's or anyone affiliated with Patch.
