It seems like a never-ending battle, almost a war at times between the different types of Moms. But why!? We are all doing our best. We’re all doing what works for our family, what we need to do, what we want to do. It’s OUR decision to make.
So why do some Moms feel the need to trash talk other Moms and their decisions or parenting styles?
Nicole touched on the subject in her first article with the Campbell Patch Mom Squad, but we think it deserves to be addressed again.
This is a very important, but tricky subject for me because I’ve seen different sides of it. Before becoming a Mom, I was a nanny. So in that role I was close to many working Moms and came to understand them and what they go through.
I learned that there are MANY different reasons for deciding whether to work, stay home, or a combination of the two. Sometimes the decision is made out of pure necessity, and other times it is made based on the family values or personal goals of each Mother. At any rate, whatever any one Mother (and her family) decide is their business and no one else’s. But I also learned that there are so many different emotions that go along with each different decision.
Some Moms that work feel more fulfilled in doing so, and others feel an incredible amount of guilt for it. Many Moms I worked for would spoil their children in an attempt to “make up” for the fact that they were not there all day. I have had many conversations with the Moms that I worked for about this and about their feelings on being a working Mom. Some even admitted to being jealous of me staying with their children all day and not them. That’s a pretty powerful thing to hear and I always tried my very best to be sympathetic to what the Moms that I worked for were going through.
I am now a SAHM (stay-at-home Mom), but recently I also started babysitting twice a week. Some would say I straddle the line of SAHM and working Mom, but I still just consider myself a SAHM. I really don’t like all the different labels flying around out there though. It seems like so many people aren’t happy until things are clearly defined, but I just don’t think that’s how life works.
I chose my path, and other families choose theirs. I do not judge the decision made by others and can only hope that they give me the same respect. But the problem is that not everyone does give that respect to other parents. I’m not sure why this happens, but it really bothers me.
I suppose just like many things we make fun of, pick apart, or belittle things that we don’t understand. This is really not ok and is even pretty hurtful at times. I mean really, we really are all just doing our best and that’s all any of us can do. Parenting is a big enough job, we shouldn’t have to go through the added stress of judgement, guilt, justifying our decisions to others, or any of the other B.S. that we all have to deal with at one time or another!
As with most of the articles we write here, the subject matter is important to me. However, this subject in particular is one of those constant issues I battle with every single day. Why do we, as parents, think it’s ok to smack talk other parents because what they do is different?? It’s absolutely NOT ok and needs to stop because most of us parents have the same end goal; to have healthy, happy, loving, respectful children.
Being that I am a stay at home mom, I have a hard time imagining dropping my kids off at daycare. I had a hard time even dropping Evie off at school for the first time and it was only for three hours! But I also know some Moms would love to stay home with their kids but it’s not financially feasible. I know some Moms are better Moms because they get out of the house during the day and work. I know that some Stay at Home Moms need a little extra help in the form of a Mothers Helper to get through the day. And guess what ... ALL of these ways of parenting are EXCELLENT!
I’m so SO tired of people out there making assumptions about the other ways of parenting. I wouldn’t even BEGIN to imagine how hard it is to get up early, get your kids ready, get out the door, drop your kids off at daycare all before you have to get to work. That sounds impossible to me and I applaud the Moms and Dads out there who do this, because you know what? It’s a lot of work! Working parents don’t get to throw a load of laundry in during the day and switch it out when they get a chance. They don’t get a few extra minutes during the day to clean the bathroom like I do. They have to do all that stuff during the precious time they have with their kids. And making all that work my friends, is tough work!
But I’m also tired of people assuming that we Stay at Home Mom’s sit around eating bon bon’s all day. Guess what? I don’t get to sit during the day. I’m lucky if I get five minutes to check my email. I’m lucky if I get to eat sitting down. I’m lucky to go to the bathroom by myself, and actually I can’t remember the last time I was able to go the bathroom with the door closed during the day. I don’t have another pair of eyes on my kid, it’s all me. So if Milo is climbing up the bookcase while I’m trying to cook dinner ... then the chicken is gonna burn cause I’m not letting my kid fall off said bookcase.
There was a time when a few of us Mommies had a night out and when the waiter asked us “Ladies Night Out?” and we said “Yep! Mommies night out!” and he ACTUALLY said “So let me get this straight...your husbands work all day and have to come home and watch YOUR kids so you can go out?” Ummm ... what? Oh that’s right ... I sat around watching Days of Our Lives all day while eating ice cream out of the carton with my feet up watching MY kids because apparently I’m capable of getting myself pregnant ... DUH.
These are the comments that need to STOP. These judgements made by other people about how hard your life is are ridiculous. You cannot judge someone until you walk in their shoes. After being judged so harshly about things I’ve done as a parent, I will NEVER pass judgement on another parent again because I know how hurtful that is. We all want the same thing, and it’s time we stopped fighting and started respecting each other.
We really hope that us Moms can come together and realize that we really are all in this together and we’re all just doing the best we can!
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What do you think? Do you stay at home, work, or both? Have you come across judgement because of your parenting decisions? We’d love to hear from you all! Please share with us in the comments below.